It was Chinese New Year, and my family was at my grandmother’s place in Sugai Siput about to have a steamboat reunion dinner. All the mothers were busy preparing the ingredients for the steamboat… All the mothers, except one. My mother was watching television with my father, along with all the other fathers. The house was filled with hearty conversations, and no one mentioned anything about this odd scenario.
However, I felt discomfited that my mother may be giving a bad impression by not helping out in the food preparation with all the other mothers. In fact, I felt ashamed, afraid that my relatives may view my mother as arrogant as she seemed nonchalant about her actions (or rather, her lack of action). So I went over to my mother and whispered my concerns to her.
“Oh, it’s O.K. All along, I have never helped out before, and they know I don’t do such things. I’m the only wife who doesn’t know how to help out in the kitchen!” My mother replied, with a slight hint of bemusement at herself.
***
This scenario highlights the different cultural norms with regards to the role of the mother in a family. My mother was a working mother; kitchen work was left to our domestic helpers. The other mothers were homemakers; kitchen work was typical as one of their “duties”. My relatives’ have a more traditional approach towards the function of a family, which is unlike that of Singapore where it is not uncommon to have mothers who don’t cook.
Based on what my mother said, I believe that there was a mutual understanding about the differences in culture. Being aware of such, there was also some sort of acceptance towards this difference which enabled everyone to have “hearty conversations” and communicate well with each other.
However, to give it further thought, my interpretation is based on only what I see on the surface and hear from my mother. There might be a possibility that my aunts may be baffled by my mother’s lack of involvement in food preparation each time. Can it be just be because my relatives consider being modest is more polite than expressing one’s opinion, and thus did not bring up their concerns?
