Thursday, September 1, 2011

#2 Resolving Interpersonal Conflict

As a preface to my account of a conflict, I am declaring myself as the fussiest eater I’ve ever known. Unless you know me well and long enough, to describe what I do or do not eat will probably require you to read my encyclopaedia of “Noelle’s Food Preferences” – if I ever have one.

When I was in Nottingham for SEP last semester, I made a new friend who asked me out for lunch. It was very hospitable of her because I didn’t know many people or the places there. Before our lunch-date, she asked me about my food preferences and I told her simply that I didn’t fancy food with lots of sauces.
She brought me to a Latin restaurant. Having the impression that Latin food was full of spices and sauces, I was initially quite hesitant. However, I did not make my thoughts known to her because I did not want to make things difficult. Thankfully, while the menu’s features were Tapas and Fajitas (dishes full of dips and sauces!), there were other options available for my liking.

But then, our conflict came: she asked me if I would like to share some Tapas with her. I declined without explaining at first, but she kept insisting, so I told her that I didn’t like such food. She might have had assumed that I was very weight-conscious, because she started sharing her opinion on what one can afford to eat whilst being young, and cautioned me about my supposed diet! I was quite offended and contended with what she said. Although we seemed to exchange our differing opinions with polite words, I could feel the tension between us.

In the end, I did share Tapas with her – but eating it was agony for me. I think she may have concluded that I don’t like to eat. Actually, I absolutely adore eating, but the food must suit my picky palette! That is my problem, but I am not sure how much I can or should compromise in such situations (of which I often encounter). Any thoughts, anyone?

9 comments:

  1. Ha~ Sometimes you have to compromise when hang out with someone who don't know you well, especially, you are a fussiest eater.Maybe you can let them know you're picky about food.
    When she asked you to share Tapas with you, you can point out that you don't like sauces very much,maybe you can share anything else without lots of sauces.Then she might not assume that you were on a diet.

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  2. For me, I’ll never let people I am not close with to know I am a fussy eater. If I have to go for such dinner, I’ll usually eat any food that the host offers. Though we may not like the food, but the host would be happy if you give it a try or even finish it up. You gave them a sense of satisfaction or achievement about the meal they cooked or offered. This can actually help you create or maintain a healthy relationship with the person.

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  3. In my opinion, I feel that both sides could have handled this situation better. Not only there was a lack of communication between your friend and you, but since both of you only knew each other for a short time, there was also a lack of understanding between you two.

    Clearly, both parties were trying to be polite. From the above post, I feel that you did not make yourself perfectly clear on what you do or do not eat. However, it was also inappropriate for your friend to be very insistent and assuming. If I were in your situation, I most likely would have taken a small bite- and if I did not like it, I would have just said so.

    It is also important to remember that everyone has their own opinions- and sometimes it is wise to think about it. Other times however, you can only try to explain your side of the story.

    This conflict seems that it lasted only for that particular night. How were the tensions during the subsequent times that you two met?

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  5. Hi Noelle,

    Maybe according to your friend's cultural background, it is rude to reject when people offer you food? That was why she started provoking you mildly.

    As for your friend, I think she could have been less insistent. But she probably really insisted you to try the Tapas there because that particular restaurant sells the best Tapas in Nottingham?

    On your part, maybe you could have taken a small bite before commenting that you do not like it?

    My two cents' worth :)

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  6. Hello Noelle,

    I'm quite a picky eater too, so I understand where you are coming from :) I think part of the reason why there was such a conflict was there was some second-guessing going on as well, given that you two did not know each other very well. Maybe she misinterprated you when you said you 'did not fancy food with lots of sauce'? (sometimes people say things they do not mean...)

    but it was very sociable and friendly of you to still accept her invitation to lunch, despite the fact you may not like the food :)in her case, she could have empathized with you more when you first rejected her offer of Tapas, since probably you had your reasons.

    If she continued to insist, what I would do (and I have done in previous encounters) is to take a small bite of the food first. If i really do not find it to my liking, I would say something like, 'This is not bad, but I like this other dish too(diverts attention to some other dish)' and you continue to eat this other dish. I find it a more subtle way to reject such offers :)

    huixin.

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  8. Thank you for this clear, concise post, Noelle. You do a very fine job of describing the conflict situation. You make the motives of the participants (you and the host) quite clear as well. The only thing lacking is drama at the end, which you could have given more attention to simply by not resolving the conflict and by posing the question of what you should have done. In that manner your readers could have been even more greatly involved. Do you see what I mean?

    In any case, you have gotten lots of good feedback. I appreciate your effort!

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  9. Thanks everyone for the feedback and insights!

    Zoey: I like your suggestion of offering to share something else, I think then it won't sound as if I am completely rejecting her request.

    Klara: I agree with you. It is only polite to eat what the host offers or provides. However, I am not so sure if it really applies in this situation? The food has not yet been ordered, we were still deciding what to get.

    Lance: Things between us are OK, I have not contacted her since returning from Nottingham but we have coincidentally bumped into each other on a few ocassions!

    Christopher, Huixin, Lance: Thanks for your suggestions, but the food was not ordered yet, so I couldn't have taken a bite first. Did you guys mean I could have agreed to her suggestion and then try the food when it came? However, I don't think I would want to risk not finishing the food if I didn't like it.

    Brad: I get what you mean, I will try to improve on future posts, thanks!

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